Thursday, July 02, 2009

Negative Attention Seeking Behavior Patterns

Did you know that there's some research statistic that allows states to estimate and plan for their future prison populations based on the current rate of delinquency in third graders?

Appalling as that thought is, it makes sense. Children learn from birth to use different behaviors in order to get what they need from the world. A baby cries like a siren going off to tell anyone within a 15 mile radius that it has a need. Unfortunately this is the only communication tool available to a newborn. It cannot blink twice for yes and once for no. It doesn't even know the difference between yes and no. So it must wail. Unfortunate indeed because later on in that child's life, in third grade, crying at larger than life decibels to get what it wants will be considered throwing a tantrum and as such unacceptable.

The trick, you see, for those little third graders, are the adults in the equation. At some point past infancy and before kindergarten some adult must explain to each child how to use other forms of expression and communication to glean what they desire and need from the world. This process should be a simple matter of, "instead of this, do this." except, what is also unfortunate for each child is the fact that they have no control over which adult they are assigned. If their care taker doesn't understand good communication skills and responsibility, more than likely something within the relationship will break down and the child will be allowed to continue practicing poor forms of expression. By the time a child enters the school system he or she will have established different coping mechanisms for dealing with different situations. For example, being good at sharing or being impatient with others. By the time that child hits the third grade they are dealing with more worldly issues and have established the coping mechanisms they will practice for most of the rest of their lives, for better or worse.

Now I am not an early childhood educator, so I can't sit here and tell you exactly when a child develops what habits or learns what abilities. I'm just using third graders because of the fact that the government uses them for prison estimations. I can tell you though, that once a child establishes a propensity for negative attention seeking behaviors, it is very difficult to turn around and help them learn to cope with the world in a positive fashion. Not only are you trying to help that child unlearn something that seems natural to them but often, adults react in a very negative way towards those kids by punishing them and treating them with anger instead of the love and protection they crave.

Now let's talk about North Korea. Right now, N. Korea is about 17 years old. A whiny 17 years old. (Not literally, folks, we're talking analogies here) Now don't get me wrong, every teenager is entitled to go through some level of rebellion, self discovery, and the like, but N. Korea is acting like a child who was never taught good coping mechanisms as an infant and so is certainly unable to deal with the world now.

I don't have an opinion on what should happen with N. Korea. I feel too sad right now. I really pity N. Korea because it's a country that has to first deny, then test, then spread rumors about, then test some more, and then threaten to really go all out with nuclear weapons to feel important. Negative attention seeking behaviors. My mother has always said that usually it's the people who are the hardest to love that need your love the most. She always reminds me of this fact when I'm really upset with someone. So even though it's really hard for me to think about N. Korea in a compassionate state of mind, I find myself trying.

No one was around to teach N. Korea how to play nice and use it's "I" statements in it's infancy, and then later, when N. Korea was probably about the age of a pre-teen and really acting out in a big way for the first time (or at least the first time that anyone took notice), bigger countries bullied it and tried to "tell it what to do" and "how to act" through war and vengeance. Clearly that did not result in the desired effect. So maybe I do have an opinion, even though it's pretty vague. I think we should encourage love.

Please stop rolling your eyes. I know how stupid I sound. But it's better than the idiots screaming, "bomb 'em!" Because if there is one thing I learned as a child, it's that two wrongs never make a right, no matter how good it might feel at the time. So let's take the high road, let's play the adult game, let's be the bigger person...err...country.

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